Centrist NFL Fan Spends Sunday Rooting For Line Of Scrimmage

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MADISON, NJ—Wildly celebrating after the line held its ground on a 3rd and 2, centrist NFL fan Brian Ducklo reportedly spent all day Sunday rooting for the line of scrimmage. “These radical fans on either side don’t understand that the real important thing is where the ball is, and it shouldn’t move too far past the 50-yard line in either direction,” said Ducklo, who claimed the steadiness, consistency, and unity of the line of scrimmage was more important than divisive actions like touchdowns. “These extremists on either side just want one of these teams to win. They have to understand that it’s not about their side gaining all the yards. I don’t see why we can’t end in a zero-zero tie with the ball not moving. And that’s what the majority of the fans want to see, too. I don’t need anything showy like a first down.” Ducklo added that an outcome in which one of the two teams was declared the victor could mean the very end of the NFL as we know it.

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